seventeen & fat

lion:

sidechick: did u see the pic?

me: what pic?

sidechick: the one of us I put on insta

me: image

Homophobes: why can't you just be straight??
Me: why can't you just be gay????
My sister talking to me about the lesbian couple on her air plane:
Sister: They didn't eat ANYTHING! A 16 hour flight and they didn't eat a thing!!
Me: Oh, I'm sure they prefer eating out.